The Opportunist(s) at No.10

The Opportunist: no, not the name of the next B-grade Hollywood offering, rather the middle name of the next British Prime Minister. Who that shall be, we shall know within the next 12 hours.

No fears for a ‘she’ turning up to upset things British and apple-cartsy. As is evident, the UK is as far away as ever from electing a woman PM for only the second time in its history. And forget about electing a Black, Caribbean, Asian or Latin candidate. As has been clearly on display at this general election, the electorate has far more important things on its mind than diversity or gender equality.

What they do care about is… um…is…err… is it the economy? Well, my main man Gordon tends to think so. Well, that’s what he keeps banging on about. I wonder if he is employing an old trick of repeating oneself until what is said appears to be gospel as sheer fatigue and lack of interest makes other points of view appear worthless.

Coming from that angle, my less-than-main-man Dave is clearly concerned, like his voters with… um… with… errr, could it be immigration? Again, we don’t bloody know because Dave doesn’t seem to have a policy. He says he has one, and the Conservatives have been heard to say (rather than actually loudly say) that they have one. But that’s not the same as actually having a policy.

On that score, Gordon is very much on top. As McBroon, he has helped murder the economy with his deregulated financial sector, then helped save it, sort of, and then muttered all sorts of dire portents about what will happen if we don’t allow him to keep sorting it out. Dire portents, McBroon-style, being very different from what the pernicious financial markets in Wall Street, Fleet Street and Frankfurt think, and certainly altogether divorced from what the pesky Greeks think as they burn tyres, asphyxiate bank workers and look pale and exhausted at the prospect of ten years of fiscal stringency (this is Greece people, don’t worry, such stringency cannot be allowed to come to pass; neither the Olympian gods nor their fat financier equivalents who dodged taxes will allow it).

But back to DeCameron. DeSpooferon, DeClowneron, DeFafferon, DeScameron. These are all characters in search of an author and preferably, one who has authored a policy document. Last time I checked, the dear fellow had penned an open letter to the UK with his intentions. While googling the Cons, I came first to the Wikipedia page (which hopefully, was not manipulated by party faithful). If even Google can’t find the policy pages correctly, what hope for the Great British Electorate?

Who are, of course, obsessed with immigration. To be fair, they have a point, with EU free movement meaning so many Europeans do work in the UK. Please stop blaming the Asians and Africans. We fill the higher-end jobs and got their competitively and often get out sharpish as well. Which makes we wonder: what do the rest of Europe say about Brits making use of their right to European free movement? Are they making enough use of it at all? Again, good questions for the electorate to consider before electing a Tory government. Their response may be to pull the UK out of the EU – wahey! And then we will truly feel McBroon’s gloom and doom, what with over 70% of UK trade being with those fiendish Europeans.

Which leaves us with HE Nick Clegg, aka La Oportunista, as the Spanish might say. I am intrigued by how the British press, even the liberal press, has taken every opportunity to refer to his wife as Miriam Gonzalez Durantez. As if the full Spanish-shebang has to be brought into play to show how European (or how disloyal?) Clegg is. To be fair, the man just appears as Opportunist. While having done very well in his TV appearances, and certainly, having some good ideas on immigration, the economy, nuclear disarmament and the like, this man is no Barack Obama. In fact, even Barack Obama today, is not the Obama we hoped for. So, frankly, trundling out this absurd slogan of ‘Change’, is a gross insult to the British public.

And frankly, I’m horrified the Guardian, my favourite newspaper, has fallen for it and thinks this will be the change of a lifetime. Other than split the anti-Tory vote I wonder what effect voting Lib Dem can have. Also, clegg is a species of insect. While mosquitoes are indeed virulent and to be respected, I don’t know what impact a clegg has on its environment. Sure, the man may be king maker yet, but I’d like to, again, see a policy first. The lovely words have been spoken, but do they appear in print and can they actually be implemented Mr Clegg?

In short, the incumbent and the challengers are pretenders to No.10, and no viable candidates appear anywhere. Good luck Britain. I shall sleep well tonight and awaken in another land where all this really doesn’t matter. But which opportunist will murder your sleep for the next five years? Toodle-oo.

Who's next?

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